...how I spent Thanksgiving.

First off, a little video clip to set the T-day mood.  The whole Q&A can be seen here.

Actually, my family gathered for their Thanksgiving feast on Sunday. The food was good and the day was short, as I woke up when i was supposed to be there, got there an hour late, ate, and then left for work. Of course, considering it's one of those rough patches in family relations, it's for the best.  So that left me the week to get things in order for the big Christmas decoration blitz.  Yesterday I managed to get the kids' room and the living room clean (and even staked out the tree's position), and could probably knock out the dishes and the kitchen in short order had I the energy, motivation, or even gave a shit right now.  But that was important because it set the stage for Thanksgiving day

I got the kids up, bathed, dressed, fed, and shipped off with the Succubus for the whole day. I then struggled briefly with my recording setup (the computer doesn't like the copious volume I produce with the 12-string and the voice) before making a run to the store to get a few things for a T-day meal with the kids on Saturday before going to work.

For eight hours.  On double time (yay).

And I'm not even halfway through it as I type this.  But I can tell you the rest of the day.  I'll get a few easy-ass calls, and at least one person who should try surfing in the tub.  With their computer.  Fully connected and powered.  Bastards.  I'll also probably hit some blogs (which occurred when i paused in writing this post), maybe watch some TV, maybe break out the game.  Then I'll pick the kids up, go home, bed them, then pass out.

And then go through my regular routine tomorrow.

But for Saturday, I have the aforementioned meal planned, as well as the assembly of the Christmas decorations, all to the accompaniment of either my Christmas CD collection (which moved to my car today) or the Christmas playlist, which should now be gracing the sidebar on the right (and the top of SPD as well).  And all on Thanksgiving day, because I'm sitting in front of a computer. 

So have a happy one while I go to heat up a TV dinner....

...how I burned up a Friday alone after work.

My longest night free and clear of the kids started as it often does, in a trip to Wal-Mart for food and gas (the kind for cars specifically).  So Out the door I go as the free pizza is coming in (shit).  The problem is that as I perused the movie selection my night was shat on by blasphemy.

FUCKING TWILIGHT BULLSHIT!!!

There with all the better incarnations of the blood sucking creatures in the movie section was fucking garbage from the stupid assed Twilight movies.   And this is after every fucking commercial on TV seems to be about this overmarketed and subintelligent excuse to ruin a great story theme. 

Let me clarify this for those of you who are fans of this unholy dreck.  Bram Stoker and Anne Rice are rolling over in their fucking graves.  I have a desire to watch the first 15 minutes of the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie (and it was the worst 15 minutes in an otherwise good movie, ever).  Brad Pitt is a much cooler vampire now, and even Neo's performance in one of the Dracula remakes is now fucking golden.  And the only thing that would be better is if Sarah Michelle Gellar got to meet Twilight's douche-vamp, Edward, and break out Mr Pointy:



.For the backstory on this excellent vid, click here.

Now, back to the point here.  Vampires are generally bad guys, with notable exceptions, and even then they're fucking monsters or demons, dispatched by stakes, sunlight or the Daywalker.  They run fucking strip bars to trap truckers and whorehouses to suck men dry (of blood, you pervs) like in Dennis Miller's cinematic opus, Bordello of Blood.

They don't fucking sparkle! or angst over some clumsy high schooler for no discernible reason other than to make tweens and emo-worshiping girls wet their fucking panties and shit.  Stephenie Meyer, the insipid twat who spilled ink on paper and produced this vomitus (or had a room full of monkeys on depressants bang it out in between shit throwing and piss drinking sessions) needs to give up trying to be an actual writer and churn out those softcore fuck books in the stupid romance section of the Wal-Mart bookshelves (not a real bookstore).  You know, the ones with the sultry damsel in the flowing dress being embraced or held in some way by the somewhat or totally shirtless studmuffin with chiseled muscles and flowing hair (every cover looks like that.  WHY!?!?!?!). 

And if you don't know what all this shit is about, here's the best (and funniest) synopsis of this projectile vomit-inducing book/movie mistake I have found. And if you're a Twitlight lover, sorry your taste sucks.  I'd suggest reversing that lobotomy.

So I got home with serious attitude (and the first part of this post half-figgered out). And since (FUCK ANOTHER TWITLIGHT COMMERCIAL!!!) I was feeling in the mood, I managed to scrounge up my guitars and tuner (kids do terrible things with tuning knobs) and bang out a little music (when not chatting incessantly with people).  Alas, the night went fast, and then Beth posed a question to me that got me searching.  She asked about my Christmas playlist.

I had put up a playlist last year on SPD, because I have a serious passion for Christmas music.  Of course, the playlist will be appearing her and there this year, but NOT UNTIL AFTER THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!11!  Let me be clear on that.  With occasional exceptions, Christmas music does not get regular play in my world until after Thanksgiving to the end of the year.  Otherwise, it becomes absolutely worthless in the world.

So since I want to have the playlist up (I'll probably do it at work on Thanksgiving evening) I set out to check links, update and change songs around, and find new stuff.  So I searched a couple of things.  Then I widened it out to search for anything with 'Christmas' in it. 

For your information, there were 5,528 songs to check out.  Many of which were duplicates. Much of which was shit (Kenny G, Clay Aiken, any Disney-spawned musical rapists, the fucking Chipmunks).  And yet, I found new, excellent, and really messed up stuff.  I kept the most perverse off the list.  For example, one Jingle Bell Rock parody was titled 'Suck on My Cock.  That's the premise of the whole fucking song, and it's a mess (in every way imaginable).  And I got through 100 pages of it before quitting.

So it's now 2:30 in the morning (no kids is great sometimes), because it was after updating the list that I started writing this.  But a good time was had by all (me), so happy happy joy joy and shit.   Now if you want to preview the Christmas selections this year, here it is, 45 tracks of Christmas-y goodness.  And if you have any requests, you know where the comment section is.  I'll look into finding a good rendition.  And if you have a thing for Mariah Carey Christmas tunes, go watch fucking Twitlight, then go stand in traffic and see if any sparkly fucks try and save you.

As for me, I'm too old to do much more at this point other than spank it and sleep....

...the limitations in being an open book.

This post began after a long silence after I finally found myself back on eHarmony.com after a couple of years (I last visited there with no results in the waning days of the Succubus). Yeah, I finally got my ass to eHorny to see what I could find.  Of course I did so because I spotted that it was a free communication weekend.  But, after getting everything filled out, I balked.  Probably because while I am as open as all fuck out here, I tend to hesitate when there's a chance at rejection (which probably explains the disastrous relationships I end up in.

In fact, it's my disastrous prior relationships that make me hesitant as all shit out.  After all, unlike the past, I have to make any relationship (or even a mutually horny fuck buddy) secondary to my children.  Always.  So I can't get another succubus latched onto my ass (or other throbbing appendages).   Which makes single mothers look better and better to me (because they have the same baggage and bullshit to deal with).

So let me show you what I found, names omitted, and get your opinions.  Both women are at least an hour south (somewhere around Dayton), which means a date will be a significant drive.  Here's the general info:

Match #1

• Occupation: Customer Service Rep
• Age: 39
• Height: 5' 2"
• Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic
• Religion: Spiritual, but not religious
• Want Kids: No
• Drinks: About once a week
• Smokes: About once a week

The one thing xxxx is most passionate about:

• Music

The most influential person in xxxx's life has been:

• I have a friend that will not work; therefore lives with whoever will have her that week. Believe it or not, she influences me b/c I do not want to be like her. She keeps me motivated to do what I need to do! :)

xxxx's friends describe her as:

• Articulate
• Intelligent
• Outgoing
• Funny

Three of xxxx's best life-skills are:

• Using humor to make friends laugh
• Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
• Raising and/or caring for children

The most important thing xxxx is looking for in a person is:

• I need to be with someone who laughs and plays jokes and harmless pranks. I love to havr fun, especially when the joke's on me.

The first thing you'll probably notice about xxxx when you meet her:

• I would have to say the fact that I'm in a good mood all the time, and that I love my job.

xxxx typically spends her leisure time:

• I enjoy computer games, playing with the kids, and watching movies

The last book xxxx read and enjoyed:

• My school book of Constitutional Law. Don't scoff, please! I was very interested in my rights and I learned far more than I ever thought possible.

Match #2

• Occupation: Management
• Age: 30
• Height: 5' 5"
• Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic
• Religion: Spiritual, but not religious
• Want Kids: No
• Drinks: A few times a year
• Smokes: A few times a year

The one thing xxxx is most passionate about:

• Sports, love football and baseball. My family, music-country and rock.

The three things which xxx is most thankful for:

• I am thankful for my children.
  
• I am thankful for my career. I have a four your Bachelor's degree that I have worked very hard for/
  
• I am thankful for my family.

xxxx's friends describe her as:

• Hard Working
• Passionate
• Warm
• Romantic

xxxx typically spends her leisure time:

• i love to watch the nascar races, I sponser a family at Christmas time, and I love to lounge and watch the football games.

 Now remember, eHorny matched a whole bunch of other compatibility things up to give me these matches.  And I'm trying to decide still if I want to get in touch with one or both in some way to see what happens.  Of course if I do so, all I have to do is drop the link to this blog and they have my world in view.  And they get to see that I asked readers of this blog which one I should try to contact.

Of course, there's also the option of letting my profile float out there and see if anyone decides to respond.  That's the safe (pussy-assed) option.  Now it's Thursday night, so I have until Sunday night to communicate for free and hope they respond. and we can progress enough to take it off of eHarmony (in other words, I give her my Gmail (which is wholly public).  And it looks like I can do so.

Of course, if I get her to the blogs, she may read and decide to do a runner.  Then it's back to the excessive masturbatory references.  And since I've been this horny since my teen years (where I first developed my inability to score), I've had enough practice.  Maybe I'll get more details of my sexual history another day (although without positions, pics, and gooey descriptions).  In general, I can say I had a good time, mostly, even in the worst of circumstances.  But I'll leave it at that for right now.

I think I've probably said too damned much already....  :)

...thankfully, I didn't post until today.

Read on, I'm going to ask for a date by the end of this post.

I occasionally suffer bouts of fun and irrational depression, usually stemming from things that are reasonably depressing.  And I was geared up to chronicle that sadness and shit last night.  Of course, after a couple of hours of yammering abut bullshit with my buddy who is soon to forsake his New Zealand home of a decade and return to the land of his birth (where we'll be in the same damned time zone), as well as discovering some decent Kiwi (New Zealand) bands and burning an hour on YouTube in the bursuit of bad gaming jokes, I kind of got some of that melancholy out of my system.

But not all of it.

Consider my situation, most of which is a combination of my quirky collection of talents, behaviors, and choices (mostly bad).  I have an ideal job that doesn't pay enough in a high-unemployment economy and state.  I have two children, which is both a joy and a constant responsibility.  I have an ex (the ever-vexing Succubus) who is unemployed (no child support), unburdened of children (which was the right thing for me to do), and is getting laid (because she has a vagina and the time to sucker another guy in), and whose presence reminds me of what I don't have.  My social life consists of typing sentences on this computer and posting them on blogs and Facebook (although this is an improvement over past years).  I have a bachelor's degree (in business) that I have practical use for, the debt to accompany it, and no clear career path (because I've switched directions several times, and may finally be getting a bearing on what I do best).  Of course, what direction I can go is severely limited by my responsibilities.

And this is what weighs on my mind as we crawl toward the holidays.

Of course, this creates even more tension with the rest of my family.  More on that later, when more shit hits the fan.

Right now, I have to come up with a lot of things.  One thing I don't have time for is my personal life (beyond the blogs).  Because between the lack of money and utter lack of time, any dating scene I might come up with is non-existent.

So here's where I put the word out:  Someone out there has to know a single woman somewhere close to my age (36), with or without kids, likes the kinds of things I talk about (politics, electronics, minutia, utter perversion), and is also looking for someone and having shit for luck in said process.  Anybody who's read me has a pretty good bearing on who I am, because I don't hold a lot back.

One obvious caveat:  If you're too far away and you don't have any of these single females within driving distance of New Bremen, Ohio, it's much less likely for anything to work.  But if she's got money and likes travel (to the middle of nowhere), then maybe.

So let's see what you can come up with....

...worse before it got better.

So I write my post, knowing that I'll have two days without kids, which means two nights of creativity/fun/alone/naked time, depending on my mood/whim/testosterone level.  Good times, right?  I was feeling a little down, but I figured that since the boy was throwing snot and my head was feeling a little chunky, ti was just the allergies fucking in my cabbage patch.

Alas, I get home feeling like dog shit in a flaming bag.

(On a side note, can't wait until i can teach the kids that trick and have a reason to deploy it.)

So I get home after a run to Wal-Mart for any necessities that may arise (pretty shirts for a daughter, including something Tinkerbell, cheese and spinach tortellini, ice cream) to find myself fevery and shivering.  I feel bad enough to soak in a tub, then crawl on the couch by nine to pass out.  I wake up at midnight long enough to strip and crawl into bed where the fun of fever hallucination makes it a crazy-assed set of hours.  I then crawl out about 8:30, still feeling shitty.  I manage to get some food down (pork fat rules when frying eggs and hash browns) and watch some movie, but not much else as I need some energy to work (sort of).  And I'm still dragging a little.  Although I have the energy to write this. 

Of course, all the free time I had just went to shit.

But at least being sick gives me a reason to fuck off.

One advantage of being me is that I don't get that sick.  Sure, I get my bitch headaches from time to time.  I fight allergies and at least a cold a year.  But it's a rare thing that I'm that bedridden.  I can't think of a day of work I missed because I was sick.  And I've gone to work in such condition that I spent much of the time just trying to muster the energy to actually work.  Thankfully, the jobs I've been sick during have been ones where there is an opportunity to sit if necessary.  Right now, I have a desk I can put my head on if necessary.  If I was working from home, I could probably work from bed if necessary.  Although by last night, even my brain wasn't exactly working.

On fever hallucinations, the last couple of nights (and tonight, if the feeling in my eyes is any indication) have been rather messed up.  In a semi-conscious state, my brain was running at full throttle.  I was remembering and living through stuff (I can't remember the specifics).  Imagine hearing half a dozen audio streams, several videos, and a few people talking at the same time, trying to take all of this in at once.  Normally, I can take a lot of information at once.  Last night, not so much.

I just need to burn this shit out of my system so I can get back to the level you've come to expect from the greatness that is me.  Because my head is starting to buzz in a good way again.  That, or the sickness is working its way back in.  Shit.

Now, although it didn't help last night (and ended up on the blanket, I was so messed up), it's time to explore the healing power of ice cream....

...living in malaise.

Since the last time I posted, I've lost track of so much time that I couldn't tell you shit about what happened over the last five days.  I know I got the kids to school on time.  There was an election.  I watched the reboot of V (good enough to keep watching).  I know we had dinner at Wendy's on Tuesday (the Bacon Deluxe rocks!).  And my buddy from New Zealand is in town, and despite 15 years and some bad shit (the short version was that there was youthful indiscretion that ended a friendship, which was mended by time), it's as though we never split, never went on to deal with succubi, produce children, deal with the law, get married, bounce from job to job, and so on, and so forth.

I'd borrow the Forrest Gump phrase "peas and carrots" if it didn't make me sound like I was ready to drop down and take a mouthful of cock.

But for the most part, I'd swear that nothing else happened for hours on end. 

Perhaps it's one of the worse patterns I fall into.  When messy things happen (like the Succubus dropping off the radar in terms of child support), I avoid shit.  In fact, it was only the need to make sure checks written would be covered that motivated me to get back into my finances today.  And there's no good news there.  Meanwhile, another week has gone by that shouldn't have.

But there are a million ideas swimming in my head again, whereas there wasn't shit for the most part for the prior week.  But my challenge is always translating those ideas into something concrete.   The best I've done is the blogs (and if you noticed, I've slacked here). 

So since I don't have the kids (the Succubus is good for something once in a while), maybe I'll get something done....

...hadn't blogged for days.

I have a tendency to get locked into things and spend a lot of time on them without accomplishing anything.  This weekend was one of those.  The kids and I spent way too much time in front of computers on Saturday (so much so that the end of daylight savings time afforded me another hour of burning my eyes out), breaking only to get necessities done.  A good time was had by all.

So I got up surprisingly awake and seriously unshaved on Sunday with a goal of not getting on the computers all day.  I did so by simply running maintenance (spyware, optimization, antivirus, disk defrag), so while they were technically on, no one was doing anything (and thus the silence until Monday morning).  What my plan was for the day was to get stuff cleaned up, as well as not bog down and get locked into a malaise.

However, I noticed something on the now-banned network, SyFy (formerly the Sci-Fi Channel, now a network with a stupid-asssed name that I mispronounce si-fee).  It's the original V miniseries.  I'd heard that ABC was doing a reboot of the series (similar to Battlestar Galactica, except probably shittier).  But I had wondered if I could find the original miniseries online.  So, seeing it was on all day, I flipped it on. 

This was a series we watched as a family back in 1983, and the second in 1984.  I was yet to be 10.  This was before TiVo, before cable, before we even had a VCR.  This was event viewing.  We actually rolled the TV to the kitchen doorway to watch it while eating (we could do that in those days).  For me, it had aliens and something vaguely reminiscing of Star Wars (as the original series aired between Empire and Jedi, when Vader being Luke's father was still a revelation).  Looking back, it was intended to be that way, referencing the Trilogy on the news early in the movie and having a marching band murdering John Williams' main theme for a couple of minutes. 

Obviously, this time around, I got a lot more of the references, like the whole Nazi theme.  And overall, the series held up, despite some laughable special effects (the skin peeling wasn't bad, but the baby lizard puppet was ridiculous).   Of course, I expected it to look a little hokey, as it was in the days of optical compositing.  Any creatures before the days of digital (with the notable exception of Yoda) look humorous now.  But since it was mostly about people and the Visitors (who conveniently never took off their people skins), most special effects were either sticking a ship in the air or shooting lasers and blowing up shit.


But progress was made, and my living room is clear.  The kitchen is in ok shape (nothing that a little cleaning won't solve.  The kids' bedroom is easy.  My room is still a grabtastic clusterfuck.  But as i have some time to clean and it's cold enough to not let the kids run outside, it should be possible to get shit clean.  If I can stay off the Internet most of today, that is.

And since one of my friends just got into town (from New Zealand), I'll probably be busier than usual....