Tuesday, August 10, 2010

...steered into a rut.

I don't know if it's the heat, or it's the fact that the kids, being preschoolers, are unrelenting, or if it's just the nature of life, but I'm feeling more oppression in the rut I'm in this time than usual.  And trust me, I've been in ruts.

My past relationship with the Succubus was a hella-rut, one that I maintained until I had no real choice but to get her out.

After my grandmother died, I kind of lived alone in her house for a while until my family sold it, because it was comfortable and didn't require change.  At least until the money ran out.

I ended up in a deal with a house that degraded into a mess until that went South, after getting out of a year in a 60-hour a week shit job.  And that was after building the college debt mess.

It's a pattern with me, usually fueled by a woman or lack thereof.

So that brings me back to where I am now.  I'm not sure how to pull myself out of this one, other than just working and working and working.  That's probably the actual answer.  The big problem is that I have another 15 years in this rut.  And I have to make sure my children are ready to go out into the world at the end of it.  So no fuckups on this one.

So I might just ride this rut to the end, because the right pieces seem to be falling into place.  True, finances, resources, and other things stand in the way (including a certain buddy's refrain of "If I had my computer...").  But I've always thought that the right combination of things will lead to me doing what I was meant to do rather than just wandering and wondering.

Thankfully, I have some ideas......

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